Experiencing the Terrible Twos What to Expect

Parents often assume that the "terrible twos" phase starts when their child turns two. But in reality, this phase can begin when the child is 18 months old and may last till the child is almost three. Parents should be prepared to handle their children at this stage and avoid getting anxious.

What makes the twos so terrible?

The terrible twos are notorious for bringing out some drastic behavioural changes in the child. The most common changes that parents observe are tantrums and mood swings. Many parents are caught off guard as these behavioural changes appear suddenly in any situation. As a result, the parents get embarrassed about their child's behaviour. They also realise they cannot change their child's behaviour or comfort them instantly.

What are the signs of terrible twos?

Some behavioural changes that parents observe in their child in the "terrible twos" phase are:

1. Tantrums

The child starts throwing tantrums at the smallest thing. Sometimes the reason can be as simple as their inability to open the door by themselves.

2. Mood swings

Another big sign to watch out for are mood swings. The child can watch TV or play happily one minute and start crying the next.

3. Screaming

Children also start screaming and shouting in this phase. This is due to their inability to express their emotions or needs.

4. Fighting

Most children also start picking fights with other children around them.

Have the "terrible twos" begun for your child?

Parents often ask their paediatrician – when do the terrible twos start? They ask this question to be better prepared to handle their child's behaviour in that phase. But unfortunately, there is no specific time to indicate when the "terrible twos" phase will start for a child.

This phase can start as early as when the child is a year old and may last until the child is three. Parents should be vigilant in observing behavioural changes in their children to help them cope better.

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Is the problem a behavioural one or the terrible twos?

Usually, it is normal for children below three to throw tantrums, fight and have mood swings. This is because children of such age generally have a limited vocabulary and can't properly express their feelings.

Parents should be concerned if their child is over three but continues to throw tantrums. Some specific signs that can point to behavioural problems in children over three years are:

• Having many lengthy tantrums in a single day.

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• The inability of the child to calm down on their own after some time.

• The child causes self-injury or injures others during the tantrum.

If a parent feels that their child is exhibiting some of these behaviours, they should contact their paediatrician.

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Do all kids experience it?

All kids pass through the "terrible twos" phase, but every parent will have a different experience. This is because some kids are naturally better adjusted than others and, as a result, throw fewer tantrums. Some kids might have a calm disposition and not get angry or frustrated easily. Parents of such kids do not feel the heat of this phase, but for others, it might not be a smooth path.

How long does this phase last?

Another important question that parents ask paediatricians is - when do the terrible twos end? The answer to this question is a bit tricky. Most kids learn proper verbal skills by the time they turn three. So they can express themselves better, leading to fewer instances of frustration and anger. These kids throw fewer tantrums and are usually more composed than before.

But sometimes, kids can continue throwing tantrums even as they get older. Parents of such kids need to deal with the situation before it becomes a habit.

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Tips for dealing with the terrible twos

Some effective tips that can help parents control their child's behaviour during the "terrible twos" phase are:

• Appreciate the child's good behaviour and do not focus on their bad behaviour.

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• Try to distract the child when they throw a tantrum.

• Maintain a proper sleep and eating schedule for the child to avoid cranky behaviour brought on by hunger or drowsiness.

• Involve the child in decision-making so that they feel important and in control.

• Stay calm and focused when the child is having a tantrum.

When to get assistance

Parents should seek expert help if they notice unusual behaviour in their children. Physically violent children need to be evaluated to rule out medical issues.

Conclusion

The "terrible twos" is just a phase that is a part of childhood. Parents should not be worried about it but instead focus on their child's development and health.

References

1. Deichmann F, Ahnert L. (2021). The terrible twos: How children cope with frustration and tantrums and the effect of maternal and paternal behaviors. Infancy.

2. Roberts MY, Curtis P, Estabrook R, Norton ES, Davis MM, Burns J, Briggs-Gowan M, Petitclerc A, Wakschlag LS.(2018). Talking Tots and the Terrible Twos: Early Language and Disruptive Behavior in Toddlers. J Dev Behav Pediatr.

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